Memories of a Past Life
by MattIsTheGeekInPink
Summary: Chase is having trouble keeping his past and present lives seperate, starting when an old "friend" calls from home. Things spiral out of control when an ex-girlfriend shows up. WARNING! drugs, sex, and violence!
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter One**_

Foreman couldn't help but notice something was wrong with Chase while they ate lunch in the hospital courtyard. He was generally a nice guy, funny a lot of the time, if you could decipher his accent. But today… today he was definitely acting different. He was dead silent, his only movement was nodding his head a few times to show he was paying attention to what Foreman was saying.

"Ok, seriously man, what's wrong? I've never seen you this quiet." Foreman asked, sounding worried, maybe even a bit frustrated. Chase slightly smirked at his tone. Foreman was a good friend and reliable when he needed him, but he was secretly a hopeless seeker of attention. The fact that Chase wasn't showing complete interest in what he was saying was annoying the hell out of him. He wasn't selfish, just a bit needy after he and Thirteen broke up. Chase slightly tilted his face up, to let the sun's warmth embrace him fully. He had always loved the sun. It reminded him of Australia. Surfing in the wild, untamed ocean, random drives through the outback with his friends, playing footie at the local park, memories like that were always clearer when the sun was shining. He knew these sounded like cliché things to do in Australia, but it was true. Plus, it was fun to have your picture taken by random tourists just because you're playing footie.

"Nothing really… the weather just has me down a bit…" Chase replied.

"The weather? What do you mean? Its beautiful outside!" Foreman exclaimed.

"Yeah, for New Jersey…" He mumbled in reply.

"Oh… you really miss it there." It wasn't a question, but Chase replied anyway.

"Yeah… C'mon, House is gonna be looking for us pretty soon." He said as got down from the wall he'd been casually sitting on.

"Yeah…" Even though he'd gotten an answer, he couldn't help but shake the feeling that Chase was lying to him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two_

**Chase angrily tried to will away his pounding headache. He'd been feeling rather ill ever since Bud called. Bud just didn't get it. He didn't care that he was running low on customers, he was a doctor now, a respectable profession. That was what he told himself, yet as he read through case files for House, his arms ached with the Need. The Need for that rush of adrenaline and endorphins when the needle first broke skin, and most of all, the deep slumber and stupor that came afterward. Just the thought of It made his heart race. Closing his eyes, he lost himself in memories of using his baby, China White. **

"**Chase?"**

**He practically jumped out of his skin. Hurriedly looking over his shoulder, he saw Cuddy. Her expression changed from concerned to a bit scared.**

"**Are you okay?" she inquired. Chase definitely noticed a bit of caution in her voice. He didn't blame her either. Years of using had taught him how to get what he wanted, it was all in the crazed junkie look in the eyes. The right look at the right time could do wonders. His jonesing must have shown through his eyes when he turned around. The fact that he was shaky and in a cold sweat couldn't have helped the situation either. **

"**Yeah… I'm fine. I just have a headache." He attempted to sound reassuring. He liked Cuddy, he'd rather she not get a weird vibe from him. "**_**Like she should…**_**" he added mentally. She interrupted his inner tirade of self loathing.**

"**Maybe you should go home," she said, attempting to sound assuring and caring, but failing to Chase's well trained ears. When you're both the son of one of the world's top surgeons **_**and **_**a junkie, you had to learn who you could trust, and quick. Still, he wasn't going to zone out and kill a patient just because Cuddy didn't seem to trust him. **

"**Yeah… I think I will." He tried to sound friendly. He apparently succeeded because a slight look of relief washed over Cuddy's face. He honestly could not believe it. Personally, he could practically feel the fake-ness oozing through every syllable of that sentence. Cuddy's cautious look came back due to the awkward silence. Chase was a good looking guy, and he knew it. He couldn't help but use it to his advantage sometimes, to keep himself out of trouble. This definitely seemed like a good time to use his charms. He shot her a slight half smile that he knew from experience made him look sultry yet calm. She returned his smile brightly, all trace of doubt gone and its reason forgotten. Stumbling over herself a bit, she left. Feeling proud of himself due to her dazed look, he started to restack the vast pile of case files. A voice resonated from behind him. **

"**Are you sure its just a headache? Maybe that call from… oh what was his name… Bud was it? Maybe that call from Bud has you jonesing a bit." **

* * *

_**A/N-For those of you who don't know way too much, China White is a street name for heroin. Oh, and sorry if Chase came off as an ass, you'll find out what his problem is later.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter Three_

"**You don't know what you're talking about," Chase growled. He was counting on the fight or flight feeling people got off of him when he was angry. In general he was a good guy, but that didn't stop him from being dangerous. Or from having a risky temper. There was no way House knew. No fucking way. Or could he? House had a knack for knowing things he wasn't supposed to. **

"**Oh really? Well, that definitely explains why you're so angry," he was getting into treacherous territory. When it came to hiding this secret, and his shame, Chase didn't fuck around. **

"**I'm pissed because you have a tendency to take your hunches too far and I could lose my job over this one if you tell Cuddy," he attempted to sound calm and reasonable, unfortunately, House was also rather well trained in telling fact from fiction. **

"**Cuddy wouldn't believe me even if I did want to let her in on something this cool! Or… did you do something to make her wonder?" Chase didn't like his tone. It wasn't worry, it was curiosity. He was curious about what made Chase an addict, he was actually intrigued by what horrible thing must have happened to make him crave heroin. Chase paused to thoughtfully consider his answer. If he told House, he was admitting he was an addict. But, if he kept it to himself the cravings would only get worse. **

"**I'm waiting," House sarcastically prompted. **

"… **I freaked her out a bit. She interrupted me in the middle of… reminiscing. I was startled and the look in my eyes must have caught her off guard. I ended up having to smooth things over with pure charm."**

"**You have that much power with just your eyes?" Chase was surprised to see that House actually looked impressed.**

"**My dad was an incredibly successful doctor. Even after he left I carried, and still carry, that reputation. I had to learn quickly how to get people to do what I wanted and to keep quiet about my… problem."**

**For once, House didn't seem to have a joke in him. In fact, if Chase knew any better, he would think he actually looked… caring. **

"… **I'm not going to tell anyone. I know I don't usually play the whole caring mentor role, but if you need to talk to anyone or need someone to keep an eye on you, call me." Chase sat in stunned silence at this statement. He knew House was different after getting clean, but this was major.**

"**Okay… thanks." He walked out of the room slowly, almost as if he had aged. He was grateful for House's offer, but he couldn't help. Nobody could. **

"_**Nobody can bring them back**_**" he thought to himself.**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Four**_

"_Daddy?" her sweet voice caught his attention immediately. _

"_Yeah Baby?" He took his eyes off the road momentarily to look at her. He never could get over how much she looked like him. Big evergreen eyes, full lips, soft waves in her hair, the only differences were the strawberry tint in her blonde hair and the pale ivory tone of her skin. When she spoke her thick Aussie accent resonated in every word._

"_Is Mommy doing okay?" Worry was evident in her voice. He had no idea how to explain to his three year old that her great grandmother was awaiting biopsy results for breast cancer and her mother was terrified. Thinking about how to carefully word it, he looked back at the road. Melbourne was visible in the distance surrounded by desert. Most parents would've lied until they knew the results for sure, but he couldn't stand that. He could never lie to his baby, ever. Opening his mouth to voice his futile attempt to explain, he looked in her eyes. Green, beautiful green. So green, she was named for them. Ivy. Suddenly he heard the squealing of tires. Swerving to avoid the dark blue SUV, a sudden jolt alerted him to the fact that he had hit something else. _

"_DADDY!!!!!" His baby. His baby was screaming for him. He couldn't move or speak. He was mentally screaming for her, willing her to hear him, willing himself to speak. She was shrieking in pain and fear and he couldn't comfort her. Blackness washed over his as the second blow came. It was all over._

* * *

Chase awoke, tears streaming down his face. Shakily, he sat up. He felt weak in every aspect, physically and mentally. She was gone. His baby was gone. And he hadn't been able to comfort her in her final moments on Earth. He let the tears flow for the first time in years. He felt that aching in his arm again, that aching for a needle he got whenever he thought about that day, that accident. He reached for the phone and held number five down. Her comforting voice answered on the third ring.

"Hello?" Chase froze. He had no idea how to tell her.

"Skyler? Its me, Rob… I think we need to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter Five**_

"Rob? Wow… I haven't talked to you since…" her voice trailed off, her general sense of politeness must have reminded her to not talk about the break-up.

"Since Karsen and I broke up. She's your best friend, I get it." honestly, he didn't get it. Not at all. Karsen left him, why did he have to suffer? Still, Karsen and Skyler were best friends. He remembered when he met Karsen for the first time he found it funny that he knew two girls with boy names. A flash of a memory came to mind, the day he first met her.

* * *

He was 13 years old and was, yet again, assigned to showing the new kid around. Trudging unwillingly up to the front office, imagine his shock when he saw a beautiful ivory skinned redheaded girl slumped in one of the dreadful blue office chairs looking absolutely miserable. She was wearing some rather tight jeans, a red tank top with a form fitting sweatshirt over it, and some tattered black converse all stars. He looked down at the outfit he had hurriedly changed into in the boys room when he had gotten to school. A Led Zeppelin t-shirt and ripped up jeans. Much better than the crisp dark denim pants and dress shirt he'd been wearing when he left for school. Unfortunately this was a daily thing seeing as his dad frowned upon creativity of any kind. He cleared his throat to clear the lump that had somehow formed there.

"Hello?" she looked up at him, a slight look of interest in her eyes.

" Yeah?"

"Uhhhh… Hi… I'm Rob. And I guess its my job to show you around since we have the same classes." her look of slight interest grew tremendously with that statement.

"So you're in advanced history and science?" Of course he was. He was the golden boy remember? Star of the footie team, son of a top surgeon, good looking, top of his class, all of these things were pushed upon him by his parents. Well, they didn't exactly push history, that was by his choice. He wanted to be a history professor, too bad there was no way he was going to be anything but a doctor.

"Yeah." he mentally smacked himself for his brilliant answer. "_What the hell? I can charm any girl at this school with a simple glance and I can't even talk to this girl?_"

She interrupted his internal interrogation of himself.

"So… are we going?" she inquired.

"Oh uh, yeah!" another brilliant remark on his part. He could recall spending the entire day trying to not make an ass of himself and most of all, not smile. He wouldn't be able to stand it if he smiled and she saw his braces. He wasn't gonna take chances with this one.

* * *

"Thanks… so, what do you need to talk about?" Skyler's voice interrupted his memory.

"Skyler… I think I'm going to relapse." the fact that he was trembling did not help his trying to at least sound strong.

"… I'll be right there." with that she hung up the phone and Chase turned on the tv and waited to be shamed.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter Six**_

_A/N- I got a few comments saying that people wanted to see Chase using so here it is! Hope you enjoy it! _

He spent three hours waiting for Skyler. He found that after an hour he just couldn't stay awake anymore. Closing his eyes, the calm of sleep came over him almost immediately.

* * *

He tied the broken rubber band tightly around his bicep, trying to reduce the blood flow and saving himself later bruising. The floor creaked outside the door.

"_Calm down. There's no way anybody can know about this place, its an abandoned apartment building for God's sake." _he thought. His eyes stung with tears as he realized how pathetic he must have looked. A doctor's son on his way to med school sneaking into a worn down apartment building filled with homeless people so he could shoot up. God, he was pathetic. A harsh saying from his dad came to mind. "_Men will __bleed__ before they even begin to think about crying." _He couldn't take it anymore. Gasping in both pain and ecstasy, he plunged the needle into his arm. Injecting quickly, instinctively. He pulled the needle out just as fast before anybody could see him. He didn't care if it would only be a homeless man who saw, he wasn't going to let anybody see his shame. He smiled when he saw that he'd gotten sloppy pulling it out. A droplet of blood was appearing. He watched it grow, interested at the sight of his source of life leaving his body. Gently, he pressed his index finger on the drop, covering the tip of his finger in the blood. He knew it was sick, but he had to. Reaching over to the wall, he smeared his blood on it. He laid down on the floor looking up at it. The room started to spin and he passed out. A smudge of scarlet was now marking that wall forever.

* * *

"Robbie?" He jolted awake. Robbie? Skyler had never called him that…

"Oh my God…" he mumbled, stunned. It was her. Karsen.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Seven**_

"I-I thought Skyler was coming…" he couldn't believe it. She was there, right in front of him. Close enough to touch, yet still so far out of his reach.

"What? Would you prefer I leave?" she questioned. Chase thought about it. He loved her. She was his best friend and the woman he would, and almost had to, die for in a heartbeat. Yet even so, she had left him broken and alone to face his demons.

"Why did you leave?" He asked abruptly, harshly. Guilt flashed in her eyes and she somehow turned a shade paler than usual, an amazing feat given her ivory skin.

"Robbie…" her voice cracked as she spoke the rarely used nickname of his. Letting a sob escape, she ran to him. He pulled her tightly into his arms, inhaling the faint, familiar scent of cherry blossoms he had come to associate with her. He felt her shake with raged sobs. Her weeping brought back the Need stronger even than after his nightmare. Nobody could possibly imagine how much pain it caused him to watch her fall apart like this. She was without a doubt the strongest person he knew, definitely stronger than him. Yet here she was, trembling in his arms.

"I'm so sorry!" she finally broke the silence. "I love you! Its just… God, you look so much like her!" she managed to gasp between sobs. "I just couldn't stand not being able to look you in the eyes!"

"Do you blame me?" He tried to sound halfway normal but his voice came out as a whisper. She pulled away from him instantly, taking his face in her hands gently.

"I have never blamed you. Ever. There was nothing you could have done. Hell, I almost lost you too." she paused, looking into his bright green eyes. "Do you blame yourself?" Tears stung his eyes, threatening to escape and show how weak he was. He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was too constricted. He tightened his jaw and nodded. "There was nothing you could have done." she repeated firmly. She leaned up and kissed him gently. He caught her lips again as she pulled away. They sensually kissed for a short while longer until she interrupted.

"You look like you haven't slept in years. C'mon" she took his hand and walked him to the bedroom. As he held her and felt her soothing warmth, he slept deeply and soundlessly for the first time in six years.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter Eight**_

"God Karsen… What happened to me?" Chase asked, staring in the mirror at his reflection. This was the first time he had looked at himself in years without seeing Ivy, and he wasn't happy. He used to be the guy leading the rebellion of the rich kids, the guy who could kick anyone's ass, the guy who parents feared would corrupt their kids. Yet here he was, looking straight-laced and professional. A mirror image of everything he used to resent. Corporation, normalcy, popularity… he could see all of it in his reflection.

"You grew up." she replied easily.

"No, I traded in my beliefs." he mumbled. He expected her to argue, but she didn't, she couldn't. It was true, he was a sell out. The very same person who wore grunge and punk clothing, lead student protests against school dress code, had charisma so amazing he even convinced a few strictly blue collar kids to hang out with everyone else, and swore multiple times to many witnesses that he would never be what people expected him to be, was about to go to work and put on a white coat, a uniform.

"We all have to at some point" she said thoughtfully. "Rob, you need to chill out. You haven't sold out completely! Obviously there's still a rebellious streak in you or you wouldn't care." She paused as if thinking something over. "If it will make you feel any better, you could always break the dress code…" she added mysteriously.

"Break the dress code?" she could tell by his smooth, careful tone that he was trying to not let on to the fact that his interest was caught. Karsen walked over to her bag and pulled out something that made his breath catch in his throat. A pair of black, dirty, beaten up Chuck Taylors, ripped, frayed jeans, and a simple white t-shirt. He smiled as she handed them to him.

"You took my clothes?" he laughed.

"Only the ones you left in my dresser!" she replied defensively. "They should still fit, you're still totally cut." she added flirtatiously. He grinned and took of the dark red dress shirt he was wearing. Karsen reached out and caught his hand to stop him from putting the t shirt on. He looked at her questioningly. She lightly traced the contours of his abs. Although he was thin, he was very, very well muscled. He leaned in and kissed her roughly, grabbing her thigh. Moaning quietly, she entangled her fingers in his hair. Roughly, she pushed Chase against the wall. He surprised her by allowing her a lingering kiss at the hollow of his throat. usually he was a bit of a tease, never letting her do what she was aching to until he decided it was time to. She cherished the vibrating sensation his deep voice made when he groaned. Since he was so willing, she decided to have some fun. Slowly, she got to her knees, giving soft kisses down his body on the way. Once she was kneeling in front of him, she gave a lingering kiss right above his belt. Her fingers toyed with his zipper before opening it. Looking up at his face, she smiled proudly at what she saw, finally realizing why he loved to tease her so much. His head was tilted back, lips parted slightly as he moaned. The sense that she had the power to make him do this was incredible. Just as she was getting ready to give him what he wanted, a piercing noise filled the apartment.

"Fuck!" he swore under his breath angrily. He checked his pager to see a message saying he needed to get his ass to work immediately.

"Have to go?" she guessed.

"Yeah…"

"We can always finish when you get home" she whispered seductively in his ear.

"Can't wait" he winked at her before leaving the door, clothes in hand to change at work.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter Nine**_

"So… casual dress day? Even I at least throw on a sport coat" House joked, sounding slightly impressed. Chase smirked.

"Hey, if I'm gonna break the rules, might as well do it right?" he laughed. He noticed House staring at the tattoo design usually hidden by long sleeves. He had an intricate pattern of ivy on his back and upper arms.

"Yeah, it spreads over my back too. Ivy was my daughter's name." he explained. House looked shocked. He knew about Chase's accident from his file. In fact, Cuddy hadn't wanted to hire him because he was still recovering. So obviously, that's why House just had to hire him. He was interesting and he annoyed Cuddy. Anyway, he had never heard Chase talk about his daughter.

"So… did you get the tattoo when…" his voice trailed off, not wanting to push his luck.

"No. I got it when she was born." Chase cut into the awkward silence. "I got her name over my heart when she died. I also have a Kurt Cobain quote amidst the ivy on my back."

"What quote?"

"'I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not' I haven't been very true to that lately, hence the casual clothing." he explained. House looked intrigued. Chase started toward their patient's room and was immensely surprised when House followed.

"You're going to see the patient?" Chase sarcastically asked.

"If you're going to see the patient, then yeah." he replied simply. Chase stopped and looked at him.

"If you want to know about me, lets do it after work. I'm not about to let you heckle a patient just because you find my story interesting. We can get a drink after work and I can introduce you to a girl who knows more about me than I do."

"Karsen?" House asked without thinking. He immediately looked like he had said something he wasn't supposed to.

"How do you know about Karsen?" Chase asked suspiciously.

"I… may have been the one who called her up."

"So… it was you. Not Skylor. How did you get her number?" he asked quietly.

"Its in your file." Chase had completely forgotten about that.

"And… she listened to you? A completely random stranger?" he asked.

"She was worried about you. She didn't have time to think about who it was calling, she just wanted to help you." House explained. "Why do you look so surprised? Wouldn't you do the same for her?"

"In a heartbeat. I just cant believe you cared enough to call her. Its completely out of character for you and definitely illogical." Chase muttered, trying to work it out in his head.

"Well since you obviously weren't going to get yourself any help, I decided it was easier to send Lucas on a mission for your file and do a bit of digging than to have you lose your job and go through the process of hiring another, probably more boring person." House explained. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go fill Wilson's desk drawers with skittles." He pulled out the biggest bag of skittles Chase had ever seen from his backpack and limped away, leaving Chase to wonder what Wilson did to deserve that.


End file.
